The Journal of Luneth
by Jollytga
Summary: The story of Final Fantasy III Warped and screwed over through the eyes of Luneth. Made as a bit of fun and by no means to offend or ruin anyone's view on the wonderful game. Rated T for safety. I don't really know how this classification stuff works.
1. 1 - 8 Gramps

**AN: I originally made this up as a joke to one of my friends to spam his account while he was offline. Once he read it all he suggested i actually post it here. Of course this version is going to be much longer and cover the whole story. Enjoy**

**Luneth's Journal**

**#1 - 8 The Cave**

**#1**

So. . . I fell down this whole about ten minutes ago. I'm thinking of looking around. It's been about 12 minutes since I ate last, so I'm getting kinda hungry. . . Yep, I'm gonna do it.  
- 15:31 Friday

**#2**

After looking around some green guys with knives attacked me. Since when were green men with knives living under our village. I'm gonna have to question the elder when I get out of here.  
- 17:42 Friday

**#3**

I was just going to have a break on this rock at a dead end. Not like I needed a break, you know, I'm awesome. When the wall next to the rock just dropped into the ground. The elder deffinatley has some explaining to do.

- 17:50 Friday

**#4**

It's been four days since I fell into this cave. I'm seriously starting to think that this place will be my coffin. My growling stomach feels the same. I did find a spring though, so my HP and MP are fully refilled, not that I have any idea what they are.  
- 18:37 Friday

**#5**

Still wandering in this cave. I seem to keep going around in circles. These linear cave paths make me confused. I also happened to find a treasure chest, but when I opened it an insanely cold wind blew in my face and I passed out for a while. Why the hell you would put a wind as cold as the south pole, no one knows. I'm seriously starting to consider whether or not he is just an old man.  
- 00:17 Saturday

**#6**

My brain finally started to work again and I was able to determine which paths were dead ends by whether they had a wall at the end of them. On my way to the obviously marked exit, a door, I was slapped in the face by another one of gramps antarctic wind troll chests. He should try the internet. When you get trolled on there it doesn't hurt. . . physically. But his trolling didn't stop there either. It's a conspiracy. Like, maybe he's one of those villians who keeps all their secrets in a basement. He's stolen the name of a classic monster for a giant blackberry with an eyeball. He called it. . . Carbuncle. . . I know right, Plagorism.  
- 03:47 Saturday

**#7**

I am seriously gonna kill Gramps. I was just about to leave that stinking hole when some purple lights dazzled my brain into a stupor again, and then, out of nowhere, a giant freaking turtle just blinks in out of thin air. I mean what the fridge magnets does gramp think he is doing. If I hadn't brought those two troll chests for a revenge plot on gramps I may not have gotten out of there. I'll just have to stick Gramps with this longsword instead now.  
- 05:12 Saturday

**#8**

Now I deffinately know Gramps is up to something. After I dropped that turtle like a total boss, the crystal behind it started talking. I shrugged it off as a prank from gramps and kept walking. I even saw gramps in the reflection of the crystal with a shotgun aimed at me. I hightailed it out of there. So fast I randomly skipped frames of the stupid game into the grasslands out side of the village. Oh wait I'm not supposed to break the 4th wall am I.  
- 05:30 Saturday

**AN: I hope you liked this, I actually replayed the game to make this for you guys xD. Look out for more soon. **


	2. 9 - 20 Crime scenes

**AN: Welcome back to Luneth's secret journal. You shouldn't be reading this, but we all know that you're going to anyway. Enjoy pt.2**

**#9 - #20 Refia**

**#9**

I waltzed back into the village like a pro. You know me, total badass. First thing I did was head to Gramps' mansion at the front of the village. When I walked into where the was first thing I saw was his ugly trollface mug. Second thing I saw was my Mum with all my stuff in one of those cliche bandana on a stick type deals. Yeah, Mum even managed to fit my mini-fridge in there. Mum's the best. Anyway, all of a sudden I'm being kicked out of the village because apparently I'm the "chosen one". I'm the only one who knows what he said was bullshit. He just doesn't want everyone to know he has monsters and troll chests literally right under everyones noses.  
- 12:56 Saturday

**#10**

Before I left the village I thought I'd stop by the pub and tell my usual ahem bedtime assistant that our 11 PM appointment was canceled. When I got there some dancer girl did some petty dance made up of a couple of hops on one leg and about 500 spins. I totally showed her up by playing Fur Elise on the piano though. I'm such a badass.  
Luneth 1, Dancer girl 0.  
- 13:12 Saturday

**#11**

I went to the warehouse to see if I could find some cash lying around. spent all 716 gil on that sandwich, which I later found out had mayonaise on it. I'm allergic to mayonaise. anyway, the old geezer in there is on my side and told me how to get into Gramps' stash. Took all his stuff. I also figured out who captain trollzor is sleeping with. . . the old lady by the well. she knew there where potions down the well. Which could only mean that she planted them herself. But she has a croak back so she must be lying just like Gramps.  
- 13:37 Saturday

**#12**

I walked along the river bank for about 5 minutes before I saw that Arc dumbass getting his marbles kicked out of him by a bunch of 5 year olds. I decided to go over and cheer them on but they pissed off when they saw me. I hope they don't think I was his back up. Next thing I know some stupid name input box shoves itself onto the screen. The worst part was that it couldn't spell Gambling. "Unlike that total badass sexy beast of a man with epic abs Luneth, Arc prefers reading over **gamboling** in the wild." I mean seriously, like I care who this crybaby is.  
- 13:52 Saturday

**#13**

I finally ditched that troll town, made it to the next one along. Called Kazeus or something. Must be named after a genie and the thunder gods child or something. Anyway, that Arc guy was standing at the entrance so I totally scared the living daylights out of his sorry ass. I was kind of worried he'd drop dead right there from fright. I don't want any police records. But he didn't. It got worse though. He then asked to come with me. I acted like a total badass and said, yeah whatever. I'll get him to do my homework later.  
- 15:02 Saturday

**#14**

I went to the bar to find me a new ahem bedtime assistant. It turns out every one in the village is the lines they use to mark dead people at crime scenes. The abnormally fat one said I could use his Airship to find a cure. Stick that one up your *bleep* Vaan, much easier than you think. I'm definately gonna ditch this place and become a sky pirate now.  
- 15:32 Saturday

**#15**

When I got to the airship there was this totally hot wranger babe, cause you know, I'm all over red haired girls. Even her description in that annoying name input box was short, because they knew what I really wanted to read, If you know what I mean. Turns out Refia can't make crime scene outlines into people either, who would've guessed. I'm gonna try to woo her, make her all mine. Anyway, now I'm a sky pirate and have a sexy first mate. I'm living the life. Suck it Vaan, you have no Airship and some blonde crybaby bimbo.  
- 16:12 Saturday

**#16**

It turns out that the airship can't fly at a higher altitude than two of me. We headed to some castle up north west of Kazeus. It turned out to be another crime scene aswell. I pillaged that place for every treasure they had. We had to go talk to some dead kings outline about getting his daughter back and killing some Djinn thing. My village is the only one not flooded with outline people. My guess is that Gramps did this to the other towns. He's such a troll. oh yeah, there is some blonde Jock guy with us now too. Ingus, that's original. Sounds like a caveman.  
- 16:47 Saturday

**#17**

I rocked up at the Djinn's cave like a badass, everyone else came aswell. This cave was a total rip off of Gramps' cave. The textures were identical. We found Sara and now she's with us. She's pretty damn sexy herself. I'd like to see some more of her textures, If you know what I mean. Too bad that braindead pidgeon Ingus is all up in that. Well, I can still win over Refia yet. There is still hope for me.  
- 18:01 Saturday

**#18**

I knew it was the same as Gramp's cave. I found another one of his troll chests. This time Arc opened it. Man, did he cop a faceful. He was winded for like 20 minutes. Sara kept trying to join in the battle. Refia eventually had to start slapping her like she was a little kid. We found the Djinn and with my awesome plan of using Gramp's chest again I kicked that genie's sorry ass back to nothingness. Yeah. Yet another representation of my badassery. I was just about to embrace the red haired babe to my left when Gramps teleported us to his stupid freaking crystal again and started to make the creepy voices again. Obvious fraud, Ingus bought it like a charm. Gramps hacked my vision into displaying unskippable credits. We are past that era damnit Gramps.  
- 20:22 Saturday

**#19**

That stupid teleportation trick Gramps pulled sent us all the way back over near my village. We had to walk all the way back to the castle. The place was still a crime scene because the Princess was too stupid to throw a freaking ring in a freaking pond by herself. After she did that the castles outlines were filled with people. weirdest looking bunch I've ever seen. The king gave us a magical folding canoe. . . What the hell is a magical folding canoe. Regardless, we used it to get back to the airship.  
- 06:32 Sunday

**#20**

We took the Airship back to Kazeus where Refia ditched us for her old man (I'm detecting some incest in that family). Everyone was back to normal there as well except for that fat outline from before. He got fatter in person. He gave us his airship legitly this time, in return for taking him back to papa smurf, I mean Mrs Cid. We got Refia's pops to make a ram for the airship. And right as we were taking off Refia came back to me. Also it turns out we all happen to be orphans. It's a master conspiracy by Gramps I bet. Cid told us that he "wasn't no orphan like you kids", so I punched him in the jaw for ruining the moment.  
- 09:06 Sunday

**AN: Well I hope you enjoyed that. Get ready for the next set. Will Luneth finally get to kiss the silver haired maiden? and will Ingus lay any more eggs? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z. . . No, wait, hang on. That's not right.**


	3. 21 - 32 Giant Fudging Rats

**AN: Ok guys, here is part Drei of Luneths Journal. enjoy.**

**Giant fudging rats.  
#21 - #32**

**#21**

I drove my new airship over to that mofo of a rock and nailed it right in the jaw with my badass new ram attachment. Turns out the ram was double ended. That's why Cid gave it to me I bet. Because he knew It was gonna blow up, and he didn't want to clean up the mess. Anyway, we are in this town called cannon or something stupid like that. You can walk in the rivers here. Unheard of in RPGs until now. Maybe I'm just a badass, like the new messiah or something.  
- 17:52 Sunday

**#22**

We went to some mountain called dragons peak today. Seemed more like winding mountain path #27 to me. These birds kept turning Ingus to stone, which I thought was hilarious. Arc just cried like a little girl when it happened. It was pretty cool though, I got to stab him with a needle every time it happened. We have to get to this giant nest next.  
- 19:12 Sunday

**#23**

I'm walking up the mountain like a badass with everyone else following me, when this giant black dragon just decides to come along and feed us to It's babies. Why not go grab Cid, he's fat enough to feed six of them. There is a guy up here called Desch too. He's a total ass. He laughed at us for getting caught by the dragon when he is up here for the same reason. Refia still hasn't recognized my awesome prowess. I'm thinking of showing that I'm the alpha male around here by killing Arc.  
- 20:01 Sunday

**#24**

Desch came up with this stupid idea to jump off a mountain. I know the guy has lost his memory, but jumping off mountains is suicide. Common knowledge. Refia hesitated, well, we all did, but anyway. Refia hesitated so I gave her a slap on the ass and brought her with me. She thought it was just a friendly push. Secret ass slap was a success.  
- 20:49 Sunday

**#25**

Desch handed us this spell which makes you shorter. if I get any shorter Refia definitely won't notice me. According to him, he isn't good enough with magic to use it, but I saw him casting Thundara like 10 minutes ago. Turns out we have to use it to get off this stupid island because Magic folding canoes can't go on rivers that are light blue. To the gnome village we go.  
- 21:12 Sunday

**#26**

We found this old half dead guy in a room. He wanted an antidote. Like we are gonna know what type of antidote to give him. Arc just whipped one out from his butt and handed it over. Surprisingly worked like a charm. Yep, I'm definitely gonna kill him now.  
- 05:46 Monday

**#27**

We ended up at some viking place. I don't think they are vikings, they are scared of some sea dragon. I'm betting this sea dragon is nothing compared to our black dragon from earlier. Their best ship isn't even a viking boat. It's more Imperial than Viking. My plan to kill Arc is underway.  
- 09:10 Monday

**#28**

We got to the Nepto temple. An obvious rip off of Neptune from the classic comedy "Neptune's wife and kids" featuring Terry Crews as Neptune. Anyway, We have to go miniature again to find some stupid eye for the Nepto statue. Phase 2 of the kill Arc plan is on.  
- 10:24 Monday

**#29**

There was a giant fudging rat in the whole with the Nepto eye. Like it was almost as big as my mus yea rite lunef dussnt hav ny hvbkjhasbvd v sja dskhn cjsd pgeScrew you Ingus, messing with my journal. I socked him a good one in the jaw.  
- 11:17 Monday

**#30**

We put this red orb into the first empty socket we could find, pretty boring stuff. Gramps pulled the "talking inanimate object" prank on us again. Is he gonna stalk us forever? Anyway, the final phase of my plan to kill arc is already happening. Just gotta wait now.  
- 14:54 Monday

**#31**

The Viking leader guy gave us his boat for putting a red orb in a socket. I'm kind of worried that It's gonna blow up like Fatass' did. The main problem being that the boat is in the water. Arc drank some antidote. That ruined my whole plan. I should've thought ahead and bought the whole shops supply. He's smarter than he looks.  
- 15:22 Monday

**#32**

I've done it. I finally killed him off. I managed to knock Arc off the boat while we were going full speed. There is that out of the way. The only problem is that when Refia figured out what happened, she immediately assumed that Ingus did it and is now fawning over him. Next target: Ingus.  
- 17:08 Monday

**AN: When I started writing this bunch, I had no intention of dropping off one of the characters, but I did. Deal with it. Some reviews or even comments are much appreciated. 'till next time.**


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